Still in Canada!

From Buzz Osborne

It was hotter than a pig bastard in London the other night… I felt as if I was under water the whole show… I NEVER like it TOO hot on stage because I have a tendency to pass out and in fact I have passed out as a result of blazing on stage heat on quite a few occasions… Not so much since I started using a fan live though, which was the point in the first place… None the less I REALLY have to be careful on extremely hot show nights… Oh well… No one gives two shits about that anyway do they?

I mean we all have problems and my pansy ass heat problems don’t add up to shit compared to some of the drug addicted zombies we saw as we pulled into town that night… Even the liquor stores in the downtown area sold meth pipes….
After our sound check at the 1000 degree club, we went about a block and a half to a semi pestiferous Indian restaurant that had AC….
Dale and I told stories about various insane tour experiences we’ve had with a wide variety of loser asshole bands… We stayed about as long as they were comfortable having us and left after the clearly nervous Indian hostess came over for the third time and asked us if we wanted anything….. else?

After our Hamilton show, we had one day “off” to drive to Winnipeg, which is like 20 hours or something equally ridiculous. We drove 100 miles or so that night and then took off for Thunder Bay early the next day…. I expected to see a lot more wild life then we did considering the Trans Canada Highway is one of the most remote places I’ve ever driven through. We drove it once 12 years ago and saw a shit load of deer and moose both dead and alive… This time the only thing I saw was a freshly mashed black bear with its guts smeared all over the road…
I drove for 13 hours straight and then I let our tour manager/sound man Aaron take over for the last 160 miles… We arrived at the Thunder Bay hotel around midnight to find the lobby filled with cops.

Perfect…

There really is nothing more terrifying after an exhausting LONG drive then being faced with an army of fucking cops… Fortunately they had no interest in us and were busy instead arresting a highly agitated and heavily inebriated red neck local… Thank god!

I’m more than happy to leave the tribal blood baths to the locals….

I’ve been playing with Trevor in various incarnations for over a decade. He’s a hip cat. People enjoy his playing and usually enjoy his company.. One thing I enjoy about Trevor is making up bullshit stories about him and then telling them to people with him sitting right there like its the honest to Jesus truth…

One of my favorites is….

I was once sleeping on the couch at Trevor’s New York apartment when Trevor came home drunk with some floozy and started making out with her right there in front of me. They were going at it pretty heavy for about 30 seconds and I was about to tell them to clear the fuck out when Trevor started choking her, I mean like violently strangling her. It took me a moment to figure out what was happening and then I sat up and screamed “what are you doing man?!” at which point he let go of her neck, looked at me and said, “hey, sometimes you just wanna choke a bitch out.”

Generally Trevor just sits there and says nothing or simply shrugs his shoulders like it’s true… That’s one of my favorite things about him!
He’s a TEAM player!

7 Responses to “Still in Canada!”

  1. If you pass out during the Edmonton show, I’ll demand a refund.

  2. Agnes says:

    thanks for alleviating this “pestiferous” office dullness; really great entries so far :D

  3. Great show in Regina!

  4. Kell says:

    I be seeing you in Denver in a few months. If you pass out there, I’m fondling your balls.

  5. Come to think of it, now that the show is starting later I’ll be up way past my bedtime so I’ll likely be the one passing out. My home address will be sewn into my underoos, so just throw me in a cab.

  6. Tommy says:

    Dammit stupid shit kickers, I cannot wait to see you guys play, I have been waiting since 2006

  7. BFM_5000 says:

    Great story. Love the “Team Player” part in particular. I was laughing out loud so hard in front of my 11 year old boy that he finally asked what I was laughing at… I told him I farted.